#60 - September, Baby

I adore September. Always have. Not only because it’s my birthday month (and honestly, that’s a pretty small part of it) but because September feels like the last stretch of the year. We’re in the ‘ember and ‘ober months now babes, time to celebrate silly little traditions and holidays and get ready for the aisles of every grocery store to be decked out in a new theme way too early for comfort (yesterday a friend and I stumbled on Football themed candy corn and some of the pieces were hot dog/hamburger flavored and I don’t know what that tastes like but I’m telling you, I can’t imagine the person on earth who wanted those!) (“Ah yes, let’s take that colorful corn syrup and make it taste like meat and cheese, nom nom nom!” - No one ever) and for autumn to arrive and make way for the even colder months and I’ll be decked out in jackets and hoodies so SO soon it’s enough to make my seasonal affective feel like it really won’t last forever!

September has always meant a fresh start—mostly because of the school year, a thing that always felt like a reprieve of summer. Going back to school supply shopping was my shit. I think my favorite store when I was a teenager was Staples. (I would have absolutely lost my MIND if the stationary aesthetic world had been even a third as active back then.) There’s something so wholesome about the idea that I’d become someone with a planner who plans and makes tangible schedules and knows what they’re doing in life.

I’ve been doing some self reflection (who? me? surely not, no!) about what I want going forward because I am almost done with my twenties and I learned a lot of lessons but I am also eager to like usher in a new era in which I know, respect, and admire myself and my abilities. I spent my entire twenties with no self-worth and blips of self-love and I feel like my whole goal this month is just to shore up what I have already achieved in self-actualization, take myself and my life seriously, and get shit done. I for some reason had tricked myself into thinking that I could just…not be affected by depression if I tried hard enough and left the house—but that’s uh, not how brain chemistry works. And summer is so extreme, even without the brain fog I just feel dehydrated and drained at the end of most days. I read a Georgia O’Keefe quote from a letter she wrote to a friend that really hit hard:

I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again.

Like, dang, okay, same bestie. And I feel like months are kind of arbitrary markers of time, sure, and starting a new thing doesn’t have to happen on day one—there is no significance to starting a new thing in numerical alignment. But like…if there is something that you’ve been waiting to do or wanting to change, there’s a real easy way to track your progress for the next 30 days and like, why not find out if there’s a new system or habit that you’ve been thinking about developing that IS really wonderful and makes you feel fulfilled? My continued trials around the fear of trying new things has become a mantra that it’s worth finding out about even if it doesn’t stick forever.

I didn’t go into full hibernation mode over the summer months and I’m thrilled to be emerging in the September sun slightly less sweaty and a whole lot more myself. I’m finding joy in the little things, I’m taking deep and centering breaths whenever I feel unmoored, I am going on a cold brew spree throughout Bushwick and writing down all of my thoughts to determine the best one, I picked out and purchased the perfect pink paint for my house and new wiggly outlet covers to put on the wall, I’m going to build the cats modified shelves so they can fuck around up high, and I’m going to continue to take myself and my life seriously, because if I don’t—who else will?

So.

Rabbit rabbit! Welcome to September! I hope it’s full of wonderful new beginnings and brilliantly oxidized leaves and coffee at your most preferred temperature and crisp mornings and leather jackets and romantic dates and delicious food!

(& let me know if you want me to mail you a batch of onion jam because I am finally able to hover above a hob again!)