#56 - Little Miss Instantly Over This Meme

I’m so over the “Little Miss ____” memes that popped up in the last few weeks. They were instantly splashed across twitter, tumblr, and (if you could stomach the redesign) you could even occasionally find them on Instagram. It’s not that I hate the books it’s based on—it’s more that I haven’t seen a single one that made me laugh because there’s almost no…joke. In the ones that aim for brevity, they lack capacity beyond the obvious, yet the joke is totally lost in a lengthy one. Maybe I’m just getting grouchy because it’s been so humid this week, but it feels like memes are really emphasizing something that I’ve been thinking about a lot: we might have reached the limit on “growth” as a goal and the concept of virality is now simultaneously scary and boring.

Sharing things online is so easy, maybe even too easy. There’s no filter. And spaces that were designed for us to connect with people are now just places for brands to try to connect with us. Sure, when the Denny’s tumblr popped up in 2011 it didn’t feel like a harbinger of doom, but it turns out that’s exactly what it was.

Millennials spent their 20s figuring out new ways to communicate online, because we were the first generation that really spent the majority of our developmental years interacting with it. [Insert AIM sound of doors opening/closing here.] The evolution of message boards to “social media” is probably some of the most significant changes in language and culture that we’ve seen in this century, and yet I still feel foolish when I say things like “the pro-ana section of Live Journal has done immeasurable damage to society” even though I know I am right! If you see a little blue butterfly emoji in anyone’s Instagram profile or next to their username—run! (Or you know, maybe have a moment of sympathy for those who are still so proud of their ED’s that they’re bragging about it and coding surreptitious tips on how to get away with not eating on their page because, at the end of the day, diet culture is a longcon tragedy that tells (mostly) women that the best form of existence is the smallest one possible.) (Jeez, it’s like, no wonder they’re all cold and grouchy all the time!) So we created the communication style, and then a bunch of people at Buzzfeed figured out how to best monetize it, and now there is no such thing as a niche internet fandom, the entire internet is now moving like fandoms en masse, and fandom culture is bleeding out all over and infecting things that do not need to behave in hive-mind mentality ways. (More on how the Republicans are especially falling prey to this in a future ‘stack!)

(Also, stans take all the fun out of things in general now. Like, we’re just trying to make a fun lil’ jokes and they’re coming back with energy that’s always at least a twelve at ALL TIMES battling it OUT on the FRONT LINES for their FAVE.) (One of my favorite things that happened this year with the Psy stans vs ARMY that are always getting upset about who broke kpop through in the west on Twitter—the most pressing issue of our time—and getting into like legit fights about this, and even though its just online, real cortisol is coursing through real veins when it happens, and thennnn Psy came out with a banger that was produced by and featured SUGA. Ope, all the stans were wrong, those two millionaires sure get along and really seem to love and respect each other as artists!)

The lines blurred so quickly and I think most people were indoctrinated into these ways of thinking without knowing it because once the powers that be realized that marketing is really easy when everyone has the same pool of references, we were fucked. It used to be that fandom existed behind closed doors, you had to purposefully enter those doors to be involved, and the shared languages found inside were purposeful and contextual to the space. Everyone kind of got what was going on, and reveled in the fact that from the outside looking in, shit would be confusing for outsiders. Now, there are no doors and shared language is coopted and my eyes want to roll back in my head and stay there when I saw that Indeed had posted “Little Miss Can’t Finish A Cover Letter” and YEAH maybe that’s because I’m fucking stupidly sensitive about cover letters (ask me about August 2021 and watch the light flicker and fade behind my eyes) but also like…Indeed is not a good company, they don’t get to poke fun about how hard it is to find a job (especially one that pays well and has benefits) (and we don’t have TIME to get into the Lockheed Martin of it all but like…we should maybe pause and ask why only super evil corps seem to have things like decent medical care…it’s almost like…we’re being force funneled into doing morally corrupt things so that we’re all in the same shame system and are okay with not holding people accountable because then it would mean we have to be held to account for our adjacency to war crimes) when all that Tweet is actually doing is filling in as a form of customer outreach and brand awareness.

And brands are here to cash in on jokes now, which makes it so much less fun, and very funny people went to work for them because we all need special healthcare for our mouthbones that’s for some reason more expensive and completely separate from our other bones. And even genuine trends that come up organically are coopted and oversaturated beyond enjoyment now. It’s not just that the media exists and we react to it, no, now there are articles about the reactions that overexplain the funny thing, and then a bunch of unfunny bandwagoners show up and ruin the joke and now no one can wear suits to go see movies at the AMC anymore.

Like, let’s go, let’s talk about ‘Bama Rush Tok and the evolution of The Online Sorority Girls. The University of Alabama has had the legacy for years and years about their Greek Life—that’s not new. But the peak inside the process by insiders for outsiders? That is. Even a few years ago it was insiders helping insiders—here’s how to get rec letters, don’t bring up boys or parties, know what you want to ask before you get there. You know, basic human shit. Now I can tell you based on the geographical location of your conversation inside the PiPhi house how likely you are to get a bid from them (see, they rank all of their “actives” the girls already in the sorority, then assign them spots in line, THEN they rank all the Potential New Members and assign them by rank to the actives, then there are the cooler and more desirable locations for convos because they’re strategically showing off the mansion that’s attached to the sorority. Isn’t this an incredible organization of sisterhood, philanthropy, and friendship? No! Of course not, but you knew that already, right?) and so random strangers on TikTok are now treating two weeks of an eighteen year olds life as like a Fantasy Football style draft as if they didn’t just learn the ~reputational differences~ of KD and DeltaPhi from a TikTok two scrolls back.

Anyway, it’s not new to have sorority content out there on the internet. One of the most unintentionally funny and equally terrifying sites of all time was totalsororitymove.com, the gentler less rapey sister of TotalFratMove, the site of the most haunting message board on the internet—and yes I’m including 4chan in that assessment! The website still exists (and is now the host of total sorority move’s archives) but the message board is gone, and with it the absolute fucking nightmare of misogyny and rape culture it induced. You never forget your first time learning about slampieces and pancakes!

TSM though was like snarky listicles when I was in college, and they were so poorly written but they offered a view into this wild world I had no desire to be a part of—but one that I was still interested in witnessing. A friend and I used to text each other the wildest ones because we truly couldn’t believe this shit. I still remember like 4/10 tips for how to best paint a cooler (because apparently it’s a regular degular occurrence for these girls to sand, paint, and customize and entire cooler in order to ask a guy to take them to a dance that both of their houses are hosting, which they already paid for through their exorbitant dues that these houses charge) but there was also a good amount of judgy shit when it came to drinking, tips on how to “not be the sloppy one”, and of course, let’s welcome our favorite type of discourse to the chat…Diet Culture articles that directly encouraged and outlined tips for more effective Eating Disorders! We used to quote one of the most absurd lines from one of them all the time so it’s still stuck in my brain years later—“don’t order your own fries, just steal his! After all, calories don’t count if they’re not on your plate.” Like, babes, please, I beg, just order some fries for yourselves. Enjoy your food! (& potatoes are really owed a sincere apology from society. I love you white potatoes, I love you folic acids, I love you riboflavin, I’m so glad that there’s a vegetable that contains all of our necessary nutrients that unlock so easily via cooking and adding a fat source, a vegetable is a vegetable is a vegetable why did potatoes get picked on just because they’re the most delicious when fried??)

Anyway, that kept evolving, and then YouTube happened and that was when shit really kicked off. Around the same time we also started getting more and more articles about the girlies in the south going way overboard when decorating their dorms, because that’s a thing they get like…judged on, so these girls spend their summers coordinating with future roommates and DIY window valences so that they can have real curtains. So that in turn makes other girls realize it’s possible, and so the competition kicks it up a notch. (Made easier now by people sharing direct links, so it all looks legit exactly the same, no form of personal self-expression to be found!) And then came the vloggers who were no longer embarrassed to be making YouTube content and felt comfortable walking around filming their experiences. I’m talking Week In My Life vlogs that captured the outfits, the thoughts, the trials and exctasy of rush, and of course, Bid Day. But it was just one video for the week five years ago, and these were one of those niche YouTube rabbit holes I would fall into occasionally because YouTube is best for offering insight into worlds that I have no desire to be part of but definitely want to understand. Now, YouTube is dying, and TikTok is queen. Last year, Bama Rush became the #1 trend for weeks. And I know that TikTok is for teens, but it’s used by adults, and it felt really fucking weird to have a bunch of grown people filling up the comment section of teenagers talking about how they “don’t like their vibe” because they gave someone side-eye for two seconds while everyone showed their outfits from The Pant Store and their “normal” jewlery.

This year I’ve already started seeing “what’s in my rush bag” videos on my FYP, and no matter how far we go, we always come back to the inherent truth of why I love the internet—I’m super fucking nosy and I want to see what’s inside that bag! But there’s a certain…lacking quality now due to the oversaturation. There are deffo girls who went to Bama purely to be on RushTok. (A distinct step up from going to Bama because they wanted to be part of Greek Life.) These girls are glomming together ALL the tips from ALL the places and everyone looks so perfect and polished that the authenticity of individuality is gone gone gone. And like, of course it is, there wasn’t much there to begin with, but now when the Actives go through “work week” they have scheduled in Content Hours so that they can take the cutest photo of their coolest outfit because now having the most fun on Instagram is the name of the game when it comes to being considered the best house to rush. It seems…exhausting. And apparently the Panhellenic Council has banned rush videos from the newbies side this year (lol) because ultimately, they have a vested interest in keeping the Houses that bring in a shitton of money from both current members and alumni as happy as possible, and the reputation of rush tanked last year when everyone’s First Round Draft Pick Makayla was unanimously dropped mid-week (and…the houses weren’t exactly the focus of the OOTD videos that were being put up, so ipso facto, no more OOTD’s).

(It’s just going to move focus to a different school that does want the boost that comes with being at the center of national discourse, even if that discourse is half fawning, half Foulcault-based arguments about how Sororities are the ultimate example of Discipline & Punishment via the disciplinary powers that be of Chapter, regulations, and the subjectification of the members within these institutions. Panhellenic, Panopticon, ya get it?)

Greek Life is actually one of the absolute worst parts of American culture and most of it is explicitly designed to uphold and perpetuate white supremacy (and like…what’s missing in the discourse of Bama Rush Tok is the real-world consequences that Greek Life has, and the undue influence of alumni in things like state politics, like this isn’t a little thing, this is a system of mass corruption going back generations that gets handed down directly to the next). What’s missing from all of the “rankings” of the Bama houses is the fact that most of them are just solely comprised of white members (the houses only officially desegregated in 2013) and continually get called out for major racist scandals some even in the last year that have never been—and maybe can never be in the current form of the system—fully addressed, and the hazing, and the rape culture of it all. (No no! Look! that girl’s got funky earrings and a bold attitude, a total Tri-Delt if I’ve ever seen one!! screams the comment section.)

It gets condensed, we get explainers, and there’s no nuance because there can’t be when trends move this fast. And we were already lacking critical thinking skills but now people literally rely on reactions from others to tell them how to think, so when the internet turns its vitriol on a domestic abuse survivor, suddenly the official DuoLingo account is commenting on TikToks mocking her and when called out, the 24-year-old who runs that account cries on Twitter and calls herself young and says it was a mistake and she’s learning. And hey, maybe she is, and maybe the pressure of creating viral moments broke her brain because we’ve seen it happen time and time again with creators online that lose their moral center in the pursuit of one-upping their own content, but like, I don’t love that the app I use to learn French even had the proximity or ability to inform me that they were supporters of Johnny Depp. That’s just fucking weird and bad and like…maybe brands should never have been allowed on social media because we’ve lost all sense of professionalism and appropriateness and that trickles down into lacking appropriateness in all contexts? (Like, the next person who tells me they hate small talk—I will lose my mind. It’s actually weird to brush off the social calibration element of conversation. I actually don’t want to go deep and dark in my first conversation with someone? Connect through joy! Stop treating moody broody as the more legitimate form of expression!) Also, the infantilization of self has to stop somewhere. Is 24 relatively young? Yeah, of course, and making mistakes at work is usually regulated to a spreadsheet or bad customer interaction, not on a platform with literally billions of eyeballs on it, but like…naur, sorry babes, coulda left the age outta this one.

(And she could have easily commented from her OWN account, but she wouldn’t have, because it wasn’t about getting HER opinion out there, this was just a continuation of Duo On TikTok being some form of cultural commentary and this was during that super dark time where companies were making hay out of a DOMESTIC ABUSE DEFAMATION TRIAL and we had Milani out here showing their full ass trying to call Amber Heard a liar for saying she used their concealer—when that’s not what happened at ALL and it’s fucking so insidious that brands hopped on a “trend” when that “trend” was the further traumatization of an abuse victim.) (Fuck you Depp stans, I’m so glad they spent their own money to further reveal what a fucking monster he is when they unsealed court documents. He’s been a monster the whole time, I thought the texts with Paul Bettany were the worst possible things, but oh no, he can go lower! Also, we gonna ever ask Paul Bettany what the fuck was up with that or can I just never ever watch Wimbledon again—because if it’s the latter that’s fine and I’ll do it but liiiiike, we gotta hold more men accountable because now James Franco is back to play…Fidel Castro. Make it make sense!! Oh, right right, my bad, it does make sense when I remember that, say it with me noooow, we hate women.)

So, the girls I watched years ago on YouTube have now graduated, TikTok is shortening our attention spans and while the first wave of TikTokers did manage some legit fame—I don’t know that there will be a lot of lasting fame for anyone else on the platform because people are just scroll scroll scrolling with nary a thought in their minds nor a username to their memory. Drop in to the most painful moment of someones life, then see a dog learning english via buttons, then watch someone cook in the middle of the woods, then, then, then. (and like, yeah, it’s escapism, have you seen the world we’re living in?? but escapism isn’t always good and we can uninfantilize ourselves and delete apps and take back our brain chemistry.)

Bring back critical thinking! Stop demanding virality and growth as the only markers of success! Dismantle Greek Life! Stop casting shitty men in movies I promise there are so so many dudes who can act who haven’t committed sexual assault!! We can do better, we can hold tech accountable, we can regulate the fuck out of media and advertisements again! Clicks don’t have a moral value, but maybe they should.

Anyway, support your local periodical newspapers who are independently run and trying their best to get news by and for their communities out there! I miss you, The Village Voice. Seven Days forever!