#21 - Little Life Luxuries & The Decadence of a High Shower

Dorinda Medley was iconic for many things during her time on the Real Housewives of New York, but the lingering advice I’ll hold onto is her recipe for a perfect afternoon nap. Get naked, get in bed, and have yourself a two-hour siesta.

We usually have to pay to access luxury, but the same cannot be said about performing decadent acts for yourself.

And oh, the decadence of the naked nap. Time for yourself, a carved space of peace in the middle of a busy day. Have you ever heard of anything more extravagant in your whole life??

I’ve been taking better care of myself on purpose recently.

I’m trying to slow down. Like, all the way down.

You might describe it as similar to a halt.

I think my mania has been a byproduct of trooping my way through life and I have made myself a promise to love and respect my needs and not continue blasting my way through the level because I no longer know what I’m trying to race up the staircase for (and I’ll be too tired to jump for the bonus +1up). There are no new levels in life, it’s just an ever-morphing stage complete with obstacles and fire mushrooms and underwater levels. The flagpole is…death, and we (on average) only get about 4,000 weeks before it looms large on our horizons.

So, to combat the big “just get through the next hour/day/week” vibes that have completely taken over my personality and decision making skills, I have decided that everything in life is going to take exactly how long it is going to take, and there is nothing that being impatient will solve, so take five deep breaths and then continue to parse through the backend of the Facebook business marketplace and marvel at the fact that they are the largest advertising platform and yet are the most impossibly frustrating backend to use.

“Fuck Facebook forever!” she said with a smile.

Anyway. Naked naps. Brushing my hair 100 times every single night while I watch a compilation video of every time Jin says “hyung will do it”. Writing 6 pages in my journal every single morning while the sun rises outside my window. Buying cold brew concentrate because the luxury of not making my own coffee used to cost me $35 a week in the old world, so I can sure as shit can fit the $10 bottle that lasts me the whole week into my grocery budget.

Using a gua sha stone methodically (bonus points if I oil-pulled before starting my skincare routine). Washing my bedsheets and curling up in blankets on the couch because Weem gets extra snuggly if there’s a blanket involved.

Purchasing a pair of rubber gloves for the dishes so that my nails (which I have finally taken to painting again) don’t get ruined as quickly. Applying nail oil and rubbing it into my cuticles with practiced ease.

Rolling a spliff and smoking it using my ring holder. Redoing my coffee table as to make it easier to move it out of the way for my morning yoga with Adriene sessions.

Putting on records and dancing around. Replaying songs and sides as many times as I want to because there’s no one around to tell me they don’t want to hear it again. Realizing that maybe I stopped listening to music because my tastes were mocked by others, and not because I didn’t enjoy the act in the first place.

Eating popcorn with chopsticks while building houses in The Sims as to not get my fingers covered in butter. Making sure I get the good Irish butter every single week.

Getting ready in my underwear and taking breaks between applying eyeliner and mascara to take a massive rip of the bong in the living room, blowing it out through my newly modeled closet space as I traipse back in front of the mirror to finish.

Waking up early just to experience the rush of getting back under my duvet and not having anything to do for another hour.

Reading myself to sleep.

Writing love letters to my friends.

Pausing to take pictures in front of discarded mirrors I find on the street.

Massaging my shampoo into my scalp, upside down, for a full minute, because why wouldn’t the same thought process behind my one-minute skincare cleanse apply to my scalp as well?

Learning a new skill with no self-judgment. I will get better with practice. It will take as long as it is going to take, and it will only take longer if I delay out of fear of imperfection.

Acquiring frames for future art. Coming home from the grocery store with a single tote bag. Going to the bakery for fresh bread and no longer having anxiety about the chaotic line system. Preparing carrots into matchsticks and putting them inside of jars for later hummus dippage. Putting my hummus on a plate and adding oil, balsamic, and freshly grated garlic.

Sipping a diet coke in the afternoon while the sun pours over my desk.

I realized recently that I had never truly lived on my own before, and only been responsible for myself. There is no one else to make decisions for or around, and it is the height of extravagance!!

I don’t have to regret living quickly. I went at exactly the speed I thought was correct, that my capabilities could allow for.

I can’t take it back, but I don’t have to take it with me.

Freedom from my own self-judgment. Now that is the opulence I’m striving towards!

So. There is nothing that is so urgent that we don’t have the time to take five deep breaths before starting it. Individualism won’t solve the global crisis, and taking care of ourselves allows us to take care of others better (since we won’t be frantically trying to gather love kernels in order to prove to ourselves that we do, in fact, provide benefits to those around us). If you know your worth, it is unshakeable from others’ perspectives. I thought I knew myself, I understood my thought processes, I knew what I valued and what I didn’t.

I had failed to realize that somewhere along the way, I had forgotten to value myself.

I don’t know what success means when it’s divorced from capital. I don’t know what measurement to use for the inherent value in getting to know myself. I don’t know what my yearly notebook budget is going to be if I keep flying through them at this rate. But I think the discovery is all part of the never-ending game level that is life. I’m just refusing to speedrun it anymore.