#136 - I killed the [second] largest roach I've ever seen in my kitchen last night

or: ridgewood roach update!!!!!!!

So yesterday I was hanging out with my best friend and she was worried she had left her coffee machine on, so we after we put out the spliff we were smoking, we donned our layers of sweaters and prepared for a quick 8 minute trek back to her place to check.

And I put on this really great Nautica puffer that I rarely wear because it's only good for really cold days, but it's slightly cropped and yellow/navy and I truly have 0.00 purses that go with it. I wore it a lot last year, and I have no idea what purse I thought went with it anymore, and that is in fact making my brain spin. I don't forget things! Especially not bags.

Anyway, I put it on, got my sunglasses, and yammered ona about how it had been so long since I had worn it (you know, due to the aforementioned purse issue).

Something caught the corner of my eye, so I glanced down. And there, on the collar, was a massive fucking cockroach.

Big. Huge!

I shrieked, which alerted my very bug-averse bestie that something was deeply wrong. I am usually overly calm when spotting bugs/rodents because I know that my panic will induce further panic. (And if you work at a pet store that sells live feeders very little re: mice will ever phase you again!) If there is a bug, it is within our friendship contract that I will be the one who kills it. That's just how it is and has been since we were 19.

The coat was now on the ground, but the roach had been in far too close of proximity to my hair – so I started desperately flipping it over and shaking it out, unsure if it had transferred or clung to the collar during the flurry of throwing it to the floor. It wasn't crawling out from under the jacket (🤮🤮🤮) which meant it could be on my shirt, so I whipped that and shook it far harder than necessary.

There's no such thing as decorum in the face of that many legs.

I finally had to pluck out of the heap it had crumpled into, and shake it.

When the bug crawled out it was three times the size I had assumed. Which definitely sent me into further panic. But it was also crawling towards my hat (I wear baseball caps now) which was also now on the ground, which propelled me to spring into squish mode.

And squish I did! Thank you Camper for being reliably constructed enough to demolish the demons that I am reminded I share a fucking apartment with!!!!!

And then I put my hands on my knees and dry heaved a bunch because, um, duh and also ew and also ewwwwww and for sure aaahhhhh and we can't forget bleehehhhh.

I covered it's crunchy (ew) carcass (disgusting) with a paper towel and then used tongs to gingerly carry it to the garbage. Unfortunately, one of its creepy way-longer-than-appropriate legs was sticking out the side. Which is just haunting man, I hate that they have such defined bodies when they get that big let me diiiiiie.

But I did laugh my way through it, because what other option is there? I went back to check how long it had been since my last roach sighting (apparently I keep track of things via my newsletter now, the only indication I'm using it enough tbh) and it was only August. I have no option but to continue to sleep here, but boy howdy am I refreshing those traps.

#97 - I killed the biggest bug I’ve ever seen in my bathroom last night

or: the joys of living alone

Smoke ShowClaire B

The worst part about it is not so much the singular experience of a roach on my shoulder (pass the brain bleach, dear god), but rather the implications.

Seeing a roach is always a reminder that they exist, mostly unseen, by the millions.

But in this particular case, it climbed up onto that jacket. The coat rack is far above the ground!! Are there other roaches lurking?? How long will it be before I casually sling a jacket on without several fervent shakes and thrice-overs? Did it lay anything that I have not spotted????

Seriously, how did it get up that high and how long was it there and where is it clearly thriving in order to achieve the size it had.

Now, was it the largest roach I've ever seen? No. Bathroom roach is still the single largest cockroach I've ever seen, and I am including the Hissing Madagascar's we used to sell as pets in the store in Portland.

It was probably top seven though! If I had noticed how large it was off the bat I think I would have been too paralyzed to move, tbh. So, small blessings.

Anyway, living in New York feels more and more nightmarish everyday!!!! I love this city so much but the NYPD seems to be doing everything in their grossly authoritative power to make me hate it.

I don't get it. I truly don't. The amount of money they get, the fact that when they're sued the taxpayers pay the bills, the surge in overtime, the unambiguous gang nature, the reprehensible treatment of all citizens, the kettling, the running over of protestors, the idea that they are More Important than the people they've sworn to "protect".

The increase of their authoritarian nature has been bolstered by America's least favorite mayor, my #1 nemesis, Eric Adams.

He doesn't want to be mayor, he wanted to be Top Cop and knew they wouldn't promote him so he pretended to be a Democrat and took money from corrupt local business agencies and foreign governments and used identity politics for evil and kept sighting provably false statistics about crime to whip everyone into a frenzy.

He's a terrible person, deeply corrupt politician, his phone has been taken by the FBI * checks watch * two months ago, he keep flagrantly making backdoor deals at a nightclub in Brooklyn, his donor policies have been under scrutiny for years, he lies about literally everything, he's bad at his job, and he LIVES IN NEW JERSEY.

Like, he took Friday lunchtime pizza and mozzerella sticks away from school children. That feels like something a child would imagine happens in a story they're writing about The Worst Mayor In The World.

I hate him! I hate how he's paved the way for cops to act with further impunity!!!!

I don't get why defunding them was so controversial. They have billions of dollars. They have outposts in other countries.

For why!! For what???

They're not even effective at catching fare evasions, so why do we continue the charade when the only provable outcome is that it can, and does, often turn violent.

Fare evasion is skipping out on a payment of $2.90. It's very similar to skipping out on putting a few quarters in the meter when you park. But I've never seen a cop issue a parking ticket by tackling the driver to the ground!!

In college, a friends boyfriend pointed out that if I, someone who was not breaking the law was afraid of cops, that meant they weren't serving their purpose.

I know that the conversation around cops always comes down to the fact that we don't currently have alternatives – but the conversation about Defund The Police started four years ago and it feels like we could have made a lot more progress in that time if the idea was taken seriously! But instead, Republicans got ahead of the narrative and all the Democrats went on defense about how they weren't trying to correct the errors we've made in society by allocating leftovers from the military industrial complex to local policemen.

Showing up to peaceful protests in armor probably contributes to their reactive nature in those situations. Of course their bodies think they're in danger, they dressed as if they were going to war.

I don't feel bad for cops btw. Ever. There are so many choices that go into that line of work. Good cops don't survive those institutions. Hence, ACAB.

The documentary Telemarketers exposed another layer of cop corruption that rots this country from the inside out. And when they went to talk to a sitting US Senator about the link between the telemarketers, cops, senior exploitation, and small business intimidation, they were brushed off in a way that is truly devestating – politicians do know. But they're benefitting, so they don't care.

I hate that so much of society has been coded as "inevitable".

There's a feeling that there's nothing we can do about it. The situation can only deteriorate. The questions are too large and hard to answer and no one has the imagination or leadership skills necessary to get it done, I guess.

(Did that neg work on any latent leaders in the audience??? Anyone want to prove to me just how hard they can lead us into a brighter future, actually?!?)

But you always stamp out the roach. You don't passively let it scamper off and multiply, assured its gotten away with its crimes because everyone was too afraid of the actions necessary, the courage and community it takes to make sure that we eradicate what's under the floorboards too.

Somethings rotten in New York City, but thankfully, there's far more exterminators than uh, cops. Did this metaphor get away from me? Maybe a little bit!!

But I do believe it's all connected. I want to love living here. But there are things that rob me of that enjoyment that feel fixable by comprehensive community reform.

See? We got there!!

I love New York and there will be more on that soon (bug & rat free!) (we did get DUMPSTERS this week though!!! We're catching up to every other city in the world! Congestion pricing is closer than ever before, and by that I do mean that two! seperate! lawsuits! were filed against it this week, once again! JUST STOP DRIVING INTO THE CITY! We PAY for Jersey's commuter trains what more can we give???) and uh yeah.

Put on your roach stompin' boots and let's get to accrediting swaths of big hearted people into community services including social reform!!

All together now!