#211 - Bombing on Stage

Well, it happened.

I bombed at an open mic.

Which sucks! Really fucking sucks. I'm super annoyed at myself for just absolutely panicking when I wasn't getting laughs. I ploughed through (good job, me!) and didn't pivot but I also don't have like a zinger.

Did the audience suck for other comics? Yes!

It wasn't just me but I didn't feel good about the set so it's barely offering any comfort.

And other things seem to be piling up because of this and because I had felt so good about comedy and my chops and like...it had to happen sometime.

It just sucks that it's now.

And that like, it happened late at night so I don't really have anyone to process it with. Hence, blogging.

Is it making me feel better or am I just wallowing? Unsure.

Did I feel kind of icky going in and just couldn't shake it? Yeah that's probably part of it.

Getting in my own way, getting in my own head, annooooyyyiiiiinnnnggg!

Feeling the ache and lonliness of not having a group chat or a large selection of people to vent to about it? That's the worst.

I feel really out of place in my life right now. I'm not really sure what's happening career-wise, I'm trying things and hoping something sticks, I feel terrified of the future and paralyzed in any ability to shift the needle.

I know I have talent and skills. I know I've pulled off great workshops and had incredible sets that have absolutely crushed in that very room.

I know that I have enough savings for the next few months to bridge this gap.

But the news is bad, the world is bad, and things just seem to be getting worse. I know I won't feel this way forever, but I do feel this way right now.

I'm letting out groans.

I'm going to go smoke some weed and play a video game for a little while but I actually want to wake up, do laundry, and run my workshop a few times tomorrow and just have a different ~vibe going.

BLEEEHHHH.

I deleted the voice note. I've had some rough sets but then listened back and heard more laughs and I just...I don't need to listen to myself panic on stage for three straight minutes, actually.