#172 - Iced Lattes & Bong Rips are buzzed to bring you: The Twelve Days Of Smokemas Day 2 | Reality TV is just Like That Now

The Real Housewives franchise forever changed television. And culture. And ushered in a wave of television shows that were routinely filled by women over the age of 48.

Their other cultural impacts mostly get relegated to memes, but I think they deserve more credit than they get for bearing their lives for the cameras in the ways they do. Right now there's another divorce happening on Beverly Hills, and I cannot emphasize enough how THRILLING it is to watch friends support their friends through it. Tough conversations about splitting assets and advice from the women who managed to get SIMPSONS ROYALTIES in her split????

Oh my god! Have you ever watched Gen X women attempt to shed self-hatred in real time after overcoming an oppressive marriage that was, at one point, everything they thought they ever wanted?

It's a real thrill!

Seeing a woman who has climbed her way up from rock bottom admitting on camera that she couldn't stop drinking after getting her DUI because she had so much shame about getting the DUI??? REAL! Incredibly vulnerable! Wild to see that confession come because her castmate is dealing with her own DUI and subsequent fallout on camera.

The original seasons, like all early reality, are both ultra-produced and completely natural.

Jill Zarin wandering around the gut renovated Brooklyn Townhouse and telling Alex & Simon that they shouldn't be excited about the original crown molding they've uncovered because, well, this isn't Fifth Avenue sweetie. What history could possibly be contained in a–oh we're getting reports that this brownstone was actually located in Cobble Hill and Jill was just being an asshole because that's how everyone in Manhattan spoke about Brooklyn until like 2012.

It's not a scene that would happen today, because well, they Know Better. Jill Zarin was not worried what people online were saying about her, so she never curbed her behavior. And honestly, because Jill is still one of the New Yorkiest New Yorkers they've ever cast, she still routinely shows up online to detail her frankly boggling addiction to Diet Coke.

Look all I'm saying is that I get liking a DC, I do not understand packing it to bring with you to France. Why would you ever give up the oppurtunity to order a "Coca Lite"???? The single chicest way to order a soda in history!

(Contrasting with one of the clunkiest sodas to order – I have wanted a Shirley Temple all week after seeing a twitter post about one and I worked with bartenders for too long to not feel some form of shame whenever I want anything that involves a grenadine bottle but also I haven't gone out to eat so just marking this for next time but also we should name it something shorter!)

Last year, they rebooted the Real Housewives Of New York City. I thought it was a great idea, because I've never liked Ramona Singer and the group had been kind of uhhhhh swirling in their own mess for seasons at a time and it was starting to feel a little ~stayed at the party too long/senior year of college vibes. (You know, when the drugs have progressed to the scary&sad portion of the addiction and not the fun happy 'haha we're showing up to class a little stoned isn't that sooo wild' innocence of freshman year.)

(Not that weed is a gateway drug, or maybe it is but most of us remain firmly at the gate? Anyway I smoke a ton of weed and haven't touched anything harder in almost like 10 years because Molly isn't that fun anymore and I jabber too much without needing any help from stimulants.) (Though I did level-up my understanding of why so many people in Ithaca were on cocaine when I had to walk uphill and did a little bump at the bottom – shot up the side of that cliff face at record speed. But then I came close to dying in the bathroom alone later that night and never did it again because oh my god I managed to make myself sit up because it would have been so embarrassing to choke to death on my own mac & cheese vomit. So sometimes shame can literally save your life. Moving on!)

The new RHONY cast leaves a lot to be desired. And that feeling mostly stems from the fact that it's a little too obvious I'm watching people who know the rules of the game they're playing and so authenticity is gone because like – well, these women don't know each other in the first season and they need the audience to be sympathetic to them (why??? you're rich that's half the point of the show is just watching richie rich's make rich people choices!) so they do what the Bachelor recap podcast Game Of Roses (a podcast I don't love in execution but am obsessed with their concept of treating The Bachelor like a sports game) and reveal their "PTC" Personal Tragedy Card.

You know, the story that requires the soft music. The stories that do matter and will tug at my heartstrings, but also feels oddly clinical in delivery once you notice the card is being thrown on the table.

"Don't eliminate me, I have had real strife in my life!" feels a lot ickier than the origin the action (and the way I imagine the producers word it in order to really make sure the scene happens) – "I have gone through things in my life that have defined the way I move forward and it's important for you, my potential future partner, to understand where I'm coming from and since this is the first time I've been alone with you it's important I take this opportunity."

The thing is, these tropes were invented by real people. Who weren't aware of what reality tv was quite yet. Sure, the Producers always had a narrative they were hoping to achieve, but there was no accounting for the fact that Ramona was so good at apologizing to the women that there would be several seasons discussing the Ramonacoaster and the Singer Stinger, which a bunch of people around the country watched and recognized the toxic patterns in their own friendships and found kinship with the women who felt obligated to apologize! And some of the people watching it just fucking couldn't get ENOUGH of Ramona, because we're all interacting with these shows and people in completely varied ways and that gets tough to remember until you see the footage of Bravocon and realize that everyone watches TV. Truly the peoples medium!

Bethenny Frankel's belovedness only makes sense if you go back to Season 1 (and read tabloids concurrent to those seasons) and realize that she was supposed to be the audience surrogate, so the audience really WAS thrilled when they felt like they too could go from the poor-but-funny friend to the Richest Girl In The Group if only they could develop a horrendous brand name that barely hid it's ED tendencies and slap it on pre-mix alcohol and sell it for a billion dollars!

(She also launched her book called Naturally Thin and it shot to the top of the bestseller list after season 1 because we were firmly in antiquated diet culture and that book is like one long ED tip I can't believe it was traditionally published ahhh!)

I feel like these days it's a running joke to talk about the dark energy that surrounds that woman, but that just means that most people still haven't discovered her two spin-off shows:

& Bethenny Ever After?

They weren't messing around with those question marks. Her decision to get married should have been questioned, and by the end of season 2 we had an answer on the ever after: her divorce would last four times longer than the marriage itself.

Bethenny gone a bit mmmmmmmmmmm since leaving the show because for whatever reason she really only Works on Housewives but now terrorizes the For You pages of TikTok users across the globe, but it has also given us this incredible edit so, it all comes out in the wash.

However. The new H-Wives? They're honestly just Too Aware of the camera. There are established expectations and roles to be filled and they slotted themselves right on in.

Everyone wants to be the quippy one in their one-on-one interviews to the camera. Which often leads people to say stuff that comes off nasty in the edit. The delusion level they've achieved that has allowed them to think they would be good on camera is often tempered with a miserably controlling personality that is actively crashing out on camera because they're realizing how little say they'll have in their portrayal.

Also, they are boring and we're now in a time where ostentatiousness is a bit gauche (even though everyone is also addicted now more than ever to designer goods) so they end up just kind of being...middling.

Also I h8 watching a husband on any of these shows lean into their fan-favoritism in any way. It's not about them!!!! Pavit isn't being cute, funny, or quirky when he's not taking his wife's conversation about IVF seriously because he's too busy leaning into his new ~food influencer career he's frantically attempting to establish.

The thing about the RHONY girls is that they offered a certain level of cool to the franchise. It's why Jenna Lyons is kind of thriving on the show despite being unwilling to actually share her life on the show – when there's a Clueless party, she dresses up as Hal (complete with giant 90s cell phone) and commits to bits throughout the night. (Jessel sneaks into okay territory because she's oblivious in a fun/harmless/almost charming way.)

My theory almost falls apart when new shows like RHOSLC (Salt Lake City) manage to launch successfully, except, Salt Lake is a parody of a housewives show. It takes place inside of a bubble where every outfit is designer logo'd head to toe and they can't stop name-checking Kérastase hair products. That show works because the women are truly delusional, a la Jessel.

They still care too much about what their audience thinks and lean into making merch out of their own (pre-written) catch phrases, but Lisa Barlow will never ever admit she doesn't eat that much fast food and while I detest her whole schtick I admire the commitment to her character.

A lot of blame for the shits does lay with the fandoms. It's not fun to be a villain on TV anymore when people are going to mass-call your job and try to get you fired because you said something mean to their fave.

And while I love that every housewife is someone's favorite housewife, there's a shocking amount of apologia that comes with that because some of these women have been on tv for 15+ years and made some abhorrent choices during that time.

But there's this expectation of awfulness from fandoms that I think does turn into the worst kind of self-fulfilling prophecy and the fans are only encouraged because the networks like Bravo DO just want to make money off of them so they run awful Q&A's at Bravocon that now lead to tiresome fights between the housewives who I would like to see fight about real shit and not something an attention seeking fan said that was clearly crafted to be divisive!

The Bachelor is kept alive via fan podcasts at this point – especially now that their own podcast empire unceremoniously crumbled. They had top shows but because their producers seem to feel the Need To Meddle too much, the fans didn't like hearing the clearly show-approved behind the scenes. Fans want authenticity, they want people to "break the contract" and tell us what really happened and what the producers said and why all the couples were forced to fake break up or succumb to the pressure to get prematurely engaged for the sake of a storyline.

It doesn't help that the show has so few couples that have lasted beyond the next season let alone gone the distance with fulfilling the promise of lifelong happiness via marriage.

The Bachelor honestly should just go full Poly at this point. Every season ends with a lead saying it's "impossible" to pick between the two guys and knowing that they could be happy with either one. So like, why not both? Clearly they've already surprised themselves with their capability to "love two people at once" so why not get real modern with it and open this shit up to NEW endings.

And now TV isn't the only way to get famous – and it's certainly not the best way to make sustainable money so everything is ultimately an Influencer audition via airwaves.

Sooo many people are going on tv just to secure that sweet sweet spon con money.

And uh.

HONK SHOO!!! GET OFF MY TELLY!!!

Stick to the tiny screen you belong on babes! You wanna do ad reads for Hello Fresh you do NOT want to be side-eyeing other women while eating salad as one of them suggests that they will be giving birth to their baby after only seven months on purpose because she doesn't want to admit to the pregnancy timeline.

A few years ago my best friend summed up the downfall of Vanderpump Rules by saying, "Oops! All actors."

And I think the medium has become a parody of itself in many ways because it's not it's Own Thing it's now an ecosystem that is kind of eating itself as it struggles to evolve with audience expectations.

There are now scores of reality shows that accumulate their casts from other networks – and while some form of this has always existed with Celebrity Big Brother and The Surreal Life, the way these shows treat their talent says a tremendous amount about how much they value the talent offered.

Some shows are really nice and give the audience fluff and fun, like The Traitors, the single best reality show of the past two years that absolutely nails the balance of camp and drama that I'm looking for.

And then you have shows like House Of Villains, which is structured to belittle and humiliate the contestants because reality tv was always an inherently cruel medium.

That's what happens when the origin spawn was two soap opera producers throwing a bunch of twenty year olds in a house together and concocting various ways to create conflict between them for storylines that resembled soaps.

The Real World is the genisis, and so everything does trickle down from there. Unfortunately for the culture, Road Rules & The Real World/Road Rules Presents: The Challenge dictates much of how television operates today.

Competition reality suffers from professionalism – there's no Top Chef show left that would take any of the contestants from it's early seasons. And while I love watching James Beard winners battle it out and it's just thrilling to have the finale's come down to literal grains of salt because all the food is that good–I miss the caterers who would wink their way into discounts at the Whole Foods meat counter and stick a Cheeto into a Snickers bar in a silent protest of being forced to cook out of a vending machine.

But the personality-driven shows suffer from the fact that there are too many real-life consequences to showing any personality, and influencers don't have personalities they have Personal Brands and what fits inside of acceptable brand perameters has washed the culture of individuality beyond what is deemed acceptable by the masses and it's SO BORING.

I used to watch Housewives because these women and their lives were supposed to feel alien to me – the rush I as an audience member got was the inside look at a world I was never destined to inhabit.

And instead now they all want to pretend they're "just like me"? I don't want my housewives to be relatable. I don't want to be friends with the people on my TV I want to watch them get overzealous at their birthday parties and demand loyalty from their friends over stupid banal slights that are ultimately misunderstandings and consequences of weird mean girl behavior.

That's the entertainment value I'm watching for! Not so I'll discover and then buy their fucking mezcal!!!

Part of it is the lack of innovation in the field. I've narrowed my criticism but again, the newer seasons of Ru Pauls Drag Race are now mostly comprised of drag queens who started doing drag because of the show. Their drag is influenced mostly by what they saw on TV, and the people they were seeing often had decades of real world experience before they competed, so it's not that it's inherently bad or wrong or worse quality, it's that there's a lack of diversity in approach and outcome which makes for less interesting dynamics.

Yeah season one of survivor is a total blowout, but now everyone who goes knows the game so well the game has to constantly try to outsmart them. They didn't change up the show too much because they wanted to retain loyal viewers, but now the game is studyable and therefore impenetrable by non-obsessed regular degulars, the people whose participation in the show made for the most wildcardy dynamics in the first place!

By worrying so much about audience retention, the medium has canabalized itself to the degree that Bachelor In Paradise went from being one of the biggest shows on the network to an uncerimonious canceling because the audience got so bored with the Love Island knock-off vibes.

They instead flocked to Peacock to make the sixth season of Love Island USA blow up this summer, which happened mostly due to the girls on the show having a very fun friendship that carried the iffy relationship issues through the rougher patches. Also America finally got what's fun about having the show air every single day even if it's nowhere near as interactive as the British one!

(I caught bits of the British one and thought they were all joking around by calling one of the guys Joey Essex and was STUNNED upon finding out it was just actually Joey Essex uh oh I smell ratings trouble quick give Mollie-Mae an empowering newly single mum takes on the world spinoff!)

At this point, people do know what they're signing up for.

Which is why it's gotten so boring.

I don't want people to be in danger or feel threatened from going on these shows, which is why its imperative that the culture surrounding fandom starts changing and stops passively accepting that there will "always" be problematic fans. There might be, but they don't have to be the majority.

So many people are fans of something in order to feel the rush of approximate fame. The reason people ask "controversial" questions at BravoCon is to feel the temporary rush of importance that comes with a room of eyes and cameras swiveling around to land on you.

And that need for attention leads to obsession and outlandish observations and stirring things up just to feel like their addiction to a show and to the online commentary has meaning, which leads to tripling down on invasive behaviors because if one thing is deemed unokay the rest of the cards come crumbling down with it.

Conservative approach to culture (control, risk aversion, insistence on repeating the same formula lest the audience change) eventually kills the spark that got the fire burning in the first place.

It's a slow smother of the fire, but it's odd to feel the oxygen leave the room simultaneously throughout the medium.

Though it makes sense when we remember that all the media conglomerates...conglomerated. So few creative voices have real input. So much is dictated by assumptions of what audiences like with no litmus test to gather new data in order to push boundaries instead.

Safety might be the goal, but the safety is not extended to the talent and casts of these shows, only to the advertisers.

There's still nuggets of gold amongst the piles of rocks, and it often does make the entire operation feel worth it for the enjoyment we derive from watching rich women pack their suitcases or a dental hygienist fall in love.

Maybe the lesson is that I've run out of analysis that I find compelling, because the cling to keeping culture the same has ensured that the shows barely eek forward in terms of engaging with the new world around them. Maybe this is just a me issue.

I don't think it is, nor do the ratings, but that would be a nice & easy fix if it was!

It is all changing, I guess. Or. Attempting to change at least.

Vanderpump Rules is getting a full reboot. And since restaurant dynamics rarely change, I'm sure they'll be able to find a group of 20 somethings willing to be messy about their inter-work relationship drama and sneaking wine in the bathroom during their shifts. But they won't escape the comparison, and there will never be another Jax Taylor.

(And for that last fact, we truly must all be so grateful!)