#162 - This is la voix!

So one funny thing about these Seven Days Of Effort streaks is that half of the starts have ended up as drafts because I just couldn't stop complaining.

And not in like a fun way, just straight up whinging about things and I feel like the last two essays I sent out are snarky-bordering-contemptuous and like...that is fine and I think it's totally okay to have strong feelings about overcunsumption and the marketing of the self at the end of a dying empire, but it's just not that fun?

But I think that's because I haven't let myself do it in a while.

I've been trying to keep myself in a place of borderline relentless optomism because everything is so bad and feels so bad that sharing those feelings with others just feels like dragging others down into a pit with me, and I try to...not do that.

Like it's good to express those thoughts but I think sharing them widely is often unhelpful and we don't know how to curb our need for commiseration when a lot of creative advice is to share ALL your work ALL the time because it's important to show the process even if it's messy and–

But also I've been tamping myself down. My reactions, my severity, and ultimately my humor because, in the words of Bo Burnham, how could you be joking at a time like this?

In doing that though, I've lost the spark and therefore the sparkle. I don't want to write essays that feel like they could have been written by anyone or are full of banal platitudes simply to placate the feelings of doom that The Truth stirs in our guts because the world is hard to look at but it only gets harder the more we all refuse to stare directly back and be defiant.

Do not comply ahead of time.

Stop practicing how to be numb.

And please don't go full consumerist just because you think the world won't be here in five years so what's a little extra plastic gonna do in the end?

Because that's how evil latches into good people. Defeat is a prime-time for cult recruiters because hope is a unique bonding agent. False hope is dangerous.

My most woo-woo belief is that power is a separate entity that uses people as hosts to continue to grow. We used to celebrate people who were able to wield power responsibly. Cincinnatus is revered, not Caesar.

The thing about power, is that it has to be undercut and ridiculed. Shame works socially to ensure that people don't act certain ways – and while a lot of those society rules are damaging on personal levels they were quite effective at keeping the government in check for centuries.

Not so much anymore though. Turns out a lot of the laws were guidelines and then Biden didn't do anything to codify any of them into law while he was in office because they don't take the threat of fascism seriously because then they can't use it as a carrot to make us vote blue no matter who or what quality of policy we're presented with.

In a two party system, you only have to be better than the other guy.

And it's stupid and I hate it!

Anyway I'm going to let myself be mean and cutting again. I think I've been shying away from it because I didn't want to be negative, but I think it doesn't have to be negative. It can usurp, unbalance, or even clarify what feels so bad about certain situations these days.

I've felt like for the past few years I've been striving a lot for self improvement and I'm proud of all the progress I've made. It's easy to fall into an overly self-critical place though, and I think my writing suffered because of it.

I no longer trusted myself or my voice, but the only way to get over that is to literally say "who cares" out loud until it sticks. Or, in my case, write it down over and over again on my blog.

Anyway, that's it for today. I painted my nails with a gold flake topper and I can't get over how cute they are.

Ta for now!